Brad*, one of my first vow-writing clients, arrived at our consultation armed with post-it notes, scribbled thoughts on loose notebook paper, and several ideas he’d jotted down in his phone. Before meeting with me, Brad kept thinking of new ideas but felt utterly clueless when it came to organizing those thoughts into a coherent set of vows.
Sarah*, another early vow-writing client, arrived at our consultation feeling completely overwhelmed. She loved her fiancé deeply and spoke about him with ease, but when it came to putting her thoughts and emotions into words that felt authentic, she kept coming up empty.
Riley*, a more recent vow-writing client, had a completely different issue. He knew what he wanted to say and how to put his emotions into words, but he couldn’t help but think his vows sounded like everything else he’d heard at other weddings. He needed something that felt original to his love for his fiancé.
In the four years I’ve been writing vows, these are the three most common reasons people seek out my services. Writing wedding vows can be a more significant challenge than people anticipate. When you love someone enough to marry them, the emotions run high, and it can be easy to get lost in the memories, thoughts, and emotions that go into creating a beautifully crafted set of wedding vows.
Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed with notes, thoughts, or emotions, or you’re just looking to create something unique, there is no shame in needing the assistance of a professional wedding vow writer.
In the meantime, here are a few tips for working through these problems.
Thought Organization
Many of my clients tell me that their first few attempts at writing their vows feel overwhelming. They make lists, take notes, and look up advice on many websites, yet they still struggle to put the pieces of their vows together. This is where structure can be helpful.
One way to approach this is to group your notes into categories, such as:
How I feel about my fiancé
How we met
What our future will look like
What I want to promise my fiancé
Once you’ve grouped your thoughts into appropriate categories, think about the order you’d most like to share those thoughts. You can use the above order or something unique to you and your partner. The key is simply to organize your thoughts, making them feel more manageable.
Putting Emotions into Words
One of my favorite questions to ask my clients is, “How did you know that your fiancé was the one for you?” However, one of the most common answers is, “I just know. I can’t really describe it.” For many of my clients, their relationships feel beyond comprehension. They know they have something special, but describing these emotions in words makes them feel challenged and vulnerable.
A professional wedding vow writer will help you work through these emotions and help you identify the right words to describe the love in your relationship. As you begin to work through these emotions, there are a few questions to consider.
What moment (or moments) made you realize this is the right person for you? What was happening in those moments? What characteristics did your fiancé embody?
What five words would you use to describe your relationship? Why those words? What does it mean to you to have those words define your relationship?
What are some of your favorite memories with your fiancé? Why these memories? How did your fiancé make you feel in those moments?
Developing Something Unique
Almost all my clients hire me to help them write unique vows. While I shared the most common way for structuring vows above, there are many ways to approach that structure to give it a fresh feel. Sometimes, this includes sharing favorite music lyrics or quotes. However, I have also completely ignored the standard format and approached a set of vows from many different perspectives, from storytelling to using metaphor as a way to tell the couple’s love story.
What’s important to remember here is crafting something that feels authentic to you and your fiancé. If you’re both big fans of Marvel movies, perhaps you choose analogies for how your relationship compares to each superhero. If you’re both really into theatre, you can write your vows with the structure of a monologue. If you both love poetry, you can write a sonnet or an epic love poem. The idea is to write something your fiancé will remember and cherish for the rest of your lives together.
Using the tips from each category can help you develop a truly sentimental, heart-warming, and distinctive set of vows you can revisit together every year.
*Name changed to protect confidentiality.